Another new chapter

I'm back and it's almost the end of 2023 (Psst, at least I made it ;) hehehe).

Yesterday (3 December 2023), we departed our ways for the last time this year. I went to KL to help her moving out stuffs and it beat me up pretty fast – can't blame because I couldn't sleep for entire night before meeting her! A lot of things played in my mind during my stay at her new house. It's the vision where you realise that you'll never get her. With all of that giving me uncertainty and anxieties, I've decided not to fall for her anymore – not trying to get away from her or whatever, but for me to slow it down. I don't need to solely focus to her, slowly but surely as I slowly writing down on my notes;

New chapter? 2/12/23. I'm in her new house right now; E*** L******. I realised; I'm no longer feeling attached to her as she also didn't reciprocate – just holding hands still when we're walking.

I guess I no longer want to care about her. I'm giving up. She's the Illumination.

Why did I fell for her in the first place? =(

Yup, that straight girl. She was the same girl I used to write about haha. Yes. That's right. I fell for her. Actually, slowly the feeling fading away (Thank goodness!). What happened? TLDR; we were hanging out so much that I just shifted my feelings towards her and that's pretty much it. If I had to guess, it was because I was having other major crush at the time that had made me cry for good. There was this very moment I could recall vividly when, "Wait, I'm not falling for her am I? Gosh, somehow she's smart and cute haha". Bad moves. At some point, I can't even tell either she's straight or in denial or whatever. Again, I realised she's playing the tricks on me. Aiyahhh girl don't this to me arr. You hurt me liao.

We were also dove deep down into relationship, spesifically about marriage. She asked me; "When are you planning getting married? There must be at least a set or goal when you're getting married, don't lie.". I didn't look into her eyes when she asked this but I remember that I told her, "I'm not getting married. I'm not normal like you. To me, asking me about marriage is like asking about death, rizqi. Marriage is one of these 3 things, yes.". She couldn't further any longer right after hearing my statements. "But for whatever best for you, I support. May He protects you, always." I said it, whilst holding a book about benefits of dua book. The night went wild beforehand as we were crafting a tray for her new missing tray refrigerator – it was my idea though to create one though!

I really couldn't tell her either she's acting dumb or is she actually aware of what's going on... At least I gave her that much hints, hoping she notices it.

We were hanging out so much before until she feels comfortable to be around me. When we were hanging out together, we would hold hands (I can't describe how much I love this feeling too hahaha).

Last date with her, perhaps?...

That sums up everything how I feel. Can I rest now?...

Working in a small city life

As a full-time working adult at a rural small city, I don't have to feel perturbed about hustling culture as imposed in big cities. However, in some cases, there are times I would feel incomplete living here because there is nothing much to offer here as if it's almost empty. The same kind of people you would see every day, the same mindset and behaviour, the same community and much worse (I personally feel this), people basically know each other due to the fact the population here isn't that big.

But there's fun to it. You would feel much more relaxed and escape from that fast-paced environment, safeness way much better, warmer and friendlier folks and of course, beautiful beaches and waterfalls (bonus).

What a small city

I don't have anything much to say. It's the type of a blog where I just basically wanna fill up the content. fml haha

See you whenever I reemerge with a brand new whatever story I have.

Not able to come out, yet ️‍🌈

    As I'm writing at this very moment, I am at my workplace. Had to write down some stuffs cuz I can't really open up to anyone, exactly no one. Hell, I almost outted myself just now. If I did, it would definitely turn out to be a nightmare, that's for sure.

Indeed, it was an overwhelm day for me; after a whole day of babysitting, chores and tidying up room, I have a slight fever/headache (slept at late night + a cup of instant coffee in the morning) till just now, she appeared, adding up more concern. This she, let's call her Illumination from now on... XD 

Illumination isn't one of my colleague but more like we almost hang out every day because we basically sit just beside. There wasn't much tasks given today so we technically spending the time chatting generally about work life and aspiration. Because I've known her for quite some time now, I want to open up to her more although I'm almost certainly aware that she isn't that an open-minded person in the first place. So, I initiated a conversation that conveys about relationship. We started off pretty good until she asked my experience in romance. I did say I wasn't in any relationship so far (never had one before, yes) although I almost about to commit into one two years ago, saying that I wasn't ready and whatsoever. Her response was, "Boys can't wait, huh". It made me cringe, feeling repulsive towards her response but I had to chuckle, as if I really have no choice but to approve her heteromative-world mindset. She also asked if I had guy friends which of course I do have some, and I vividly remembered saying I'm not interested in any of them because I'm *hand down gesture*. She fucking misunderstood it by thinking that I have gay friends instead! Great. Honestly, I can't tell either she was being genuinely clueless or purposely acted oblivious about the hand gesture I did earlier (I was saying myself that I'm not a straight person); in which case, she probably can't accept that I'm queer. Reason why I started off the topic was because, thought I could give her a slight hint about my status too. But, truthfully it has to turn out to be another way.

Another similar story about how I felt the cringe so hard synonymously being crushed by a massive boulder to the ground. I wasn't having not-so-good day at work, feeling grumpy and hopeless as I had a family feud throughout whole week. I basically went from a happy-go-lucky person to the utmost shittiest personality I could bring up the entire day. I told everyone at work I wasn't doing well (I didn't say I was mentally sick, heck they would not understand shit about this matter) including Illumination. She was wondering why I acted so differently and had to tell her why. After work, before we parted our ways, she came again to ask me in detail why I wasn't doing ok. I simply said I had a feud with family members to her and surprised it or not, she blatantly said, "Is it that you fight with your boyfriend." knowing that she could pull it off by jokingly said that. In utter shock deeply inside, I responded with a polite no. I get it, she was trying to be nice but in a very fucking annoying typical people would do, with a bit of an irk twist by teasing and assuming we all have and only hetero-relationship problem when it comes to mental problem.

At the same time, I wish I could tell the story to anyone I know but it cannot be done at all but here.

Why does it have to be this way? My understanding to the idea of coming out has become greater and greater as I experienced it myself. The urge, the pressure and so forth. Really, it would be a big help if I had someone closer or someone I can trust around; this is why being with someone you trust comes to be a vital thing, especially in this matter. Now, I immensely understand how hard it is do so to anyone you know including friends, colleague, family members and society – it's hellishly difficult to come out.

Do People Still Use Blogger These Days? 2021

 Soalan KBAT* but yes.

Do people of internet still use Blogger nowadays? Is it only just Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Wattpad or whatever platforms that your eyes glued into for minutes/hours? Why Blogger hasn't been a thing anymore? :\

Actually I started using Blogger (back then it was called blogspot.com) in 2010 because I saw some of my Facebook friends wrote stuffs here so why not I create one too haha.

Oh yes, if you have the time to look into any of my old posts, they are shipwreck, bunch of grammar mistakes and pretty dumb blogs posted by young me.

Anyway, that's really about it. Read the title again and if you're not lazy, comment or whatever to this blog.thx.

*It's a reference to Malaysians but yes. Pretty intense question here.

Years Of Gap!

I have come to realised how far is the gap (I'm talking about years of non-existence of updates) for this blog. Still lame, same ol' me writing stuffs about how me generally doing on this tiny Earth.

Sure, I've developed more in terms of gaining information; about life in general, how to properly interact with people (still sucks and awkward, but I'll get there) and having my passion back in arts (:

Dear self, it's always generally here. Why don't I actually break into small pieces, like going into more specific? Well, talking about specific, I do want make it into a little moment for this blog to actually talk about my recent life *cough* not that recent, well can't blame me I haven't written anything since my last visit. Same ol' sh*t I would say whenever I go back to Twitter! I don't really think about love life seriously until some time later in my life...well it was quite recent but who cares...

Okay enough. Let's dive straight to the story...

Last year August, on the ongoing the pandemic outbreak, I was kinda lost. Made my way to the local convenience store to have some cheap dinner but, quite soothing. I don't exactly remember, but I kept thinking about this person. This person was always showing inside my head for some reason I couldn't even stop thinking about them. I thought the other night when I was scrolling Twitter, it was just some sort of distraction, away from my idk-why-I-have-this-stupid crush, at my workplace, and this individual was one of my managers. I know.

I kept scrolling, reading some tweet on people's experience about their struggles, love life, advice, etc. till this person's tweet popped up on my phone's screen. It was just a small circle of the profile picture, but from the distance of my eyes, I can see those luring beautiful face, cute too I said internally within my mind. Okay. Everyone, I mean literally anyone would do this, especially when something intrigues them; I stalked this person. Only on Twitter, obvi. Turned out, this person is actually, well, queer, like me. Ever since then, I've started to develop to like this little cute bean more...till now I am still.

Somehow, we managed to contact each other. I was the one who made the move, haha. We would text each other every day (not most of the time of the day, as they know I have 2 jobs simultaneously; I know, kill me). At first, it was quite bit slow for them to respond back to me but gradually, the sparks were there, stroke them just like the speed of lightning (okay, this is exaggerated) as we shared the same interest; astronomy! *Hah! I even told the previous crush, ehem, the manager, that I started to like this person. We would exchange information from topics of how big is the universe, how absurdly clusters of galaxies would shape like humans (this one, I can't XD) and it goes on, until some time later, things get quite bit off from the topic. This lovey-dovey took a picture of a dark room with the cat (nothing scary, it indicated that it was bed time), looking at the owner themself. I puzzled at first but that moment I knew there were something went on...I guess they like me back? I don't know but oh man, I was always excited. Every time I get their tweet (yup, exactly, we tweeted everyday and they would spam me with cute little pictures and memes). Those were the days...

Until fast forward, we slowly talked to each other... one tweet everyday...or 2 days of gap and even a month... I'm starting to feel sorry for them...

I admit that I kinda neglected them, due to the fact I have 2 jobs to cater on; which it isn't even the case honestly. It is the pandemic thing...we can't still see each other since they live quite far away. I really wanna see them but in the meantime, I am not ready myself, also, for them.

Fast forward again, they have someone whom they love now. Of course, I would have heart break from time to time, but I can't blame them. I actually let it happened. Because I know how hurt it is for love that is not reciprocated. I never confessed or shown anything to like them back; except platonically. Yup, I made it quite clear I made everything quite platonic, because things were so, so fast for me to grasp on what was going on. I'm not the type of who would accept things immediately. I need time. I need to know more about who and how. It's just my thing, but I do feel like it's selfish. Well, it is selfish.

As for now... things are pretty much the same as what is going on. What I just hope for for now and onwards is just, anything's best for me.

I am happy now. Happy that I could have my time back soon; I'll be quitting my part-time job this last month of June. I'll be starting drawing and painting again, basically fill out my me time (this is not totally selfish alright).

I guess that's pretty much for now. Pretty huge update eh? Haha.

See you dear future self, signing off...

ReLIFE manga, anime, stage play and INCOMING LIVE ACTION!?

Hello there readers!

You must be stopping by my blog because of ReLIFE? Well, at least, I assume XD

But, welcome to my blog!

I know I'm soooooooooo bad at introducing T^T

ReLIFE by Yayoi So

Anyways! Without further ado, I would like to discuss about ReLIFE manga first.

ReLIFE manga 1

Source: MyAnimeList.net

The manga.

Entirely: So far, ReLIFE manga has been stunningly great. I was really into it and even now! Not joking, seriously. The first time when I discovered it, I looked at it and thought, "Ooh this manga is on trending plus the illustration wholly beautiful." I began to read it was like 2:31 a.m. something, and BOOM! The manga was absolutely amazing, it intrigued me at first but then I found out that it was greatly superb. Then, I was starting to binge-reading it until I was sleep-deprived myself for few days XD (I discovered it this year, yeah, don't judge, please).

I hugely applaud to the author. Yayoi So-sensei, hontou ni sugoi desu!

Each chapter: Every. Single. Chapter. I freaking love it. Now that I've finished binge-reading it, and waiting for the update, every. Single. WEEK. I've got to wait, nervously, albeit the English-version would come out 2~3 days after the official update at comico.jp

I can see each character develops from time to time, even gradually. And guess what, it gives an impact to me as well! I'm so grateful that I've found another one of the few mangas that inspired me this LOTS.

Recommendation: ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Rating: ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Eh, why is the recommendation only 7 stars? 

Well, personally, I believe this manga wouldn't be appropriate for all, even though it does not contain any mature content, excessive violence, etc.

Rating 10 stars?

It rocks!

ReLIFE anime

Source: MyAnimeList.net

Anime.

Entirely: Since I don't really into anime (generally), but I do think ReLIFE anime is just okay.

The story is a bit different from the actual manga.

(well spoilers to those who haven't watched the anime?)

To be honest, I know the gist and still it successfully made me laugh and my day :)

Each episode: Yup, it's basically okay to me. But most of the time I love it when there's funny scene or occasion, especially when Kaizaki's sensei rummaged into his bag and found out that he brought a box of tobacco with him to school. And the scene goes on with Kaizaki just blatantly tells Amatsu sensei that it just some cigarettes...

Recommendation: ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Rating: ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Relife Stage Play

Source: AnimeteTimes

Stage Play?

I only able to watch the trailer (?) on YouTube in Japanese and I barely could understand Japanese T^T)~/

But it was so hilarious when Kariu kicks Ohga XD

Recommendation: ☆☆☆☆☆☆

Rating: ☆☆☆☆☆☆

ReLIFE Live-Action Film

Source: AnimeNewsNetwork

Live-Action Film!?

Yes! YES! It's happening!!! Recently they have been updating the actors!

So far the actors are Nagawa Taishi (Kaizaki Arata), Taira Yuna (Hishiro Chizuru), Chiba Yudai (Yoake Ryo), Okazaki Sae (Onoya An), Takasugi Mahiro (Ohga Kazuomi) and Ikeda Elaiza (Kariu Rena).

Seriously can't wait till next year!!!!

So there guys, I hope you're ready, both mentally and physically for the ReLIFE live-action film XD

Recommendation: ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Rating: ???????????

Overall:

It is the best manga of the year to me. No doubt. And I tbh, usually, when I read a manga or watch anime, I at least, eventually hate one or two characters but in ReLIFE, I LIKE THEM ALL!

I love all the characters in ReLIFE.

Seriously, anyone who hasn't read or watch ReLIFE anime yet, go grab your phone, tablet or whatever, and start binge-reading/watching it now!! Haha, I'm so exaggerated.

Well, that's about it guys. If you'd like to say something, I don't mind. Sharing is caring, correct? :)

See you again~♪

*Copyright materials. All the artworks above are not mine. Credit to the creators.

Just a heads up~

Hey I'm back to the old style of blogging.
Good ol' days huh.

It's been several months since I was last updated with the latest blog (I think) and I'm okay! Actually I happen to just passing by here to tell that there are so many thoughts to be written and to be said because, I don't want these thoughts to be merely thoughts.

First thought that I have is since I've been 'cut off' from society (not literally mean it but I will explain further) after finishing my campus/uni life. I don't want to continue to pursue my study right after 6 months (like others do) and I didn't apply for any university to study for this year, that would be probably next year. Honestly, it's been almost 5 months after I finished my practicum and unemployed due to personal reason, I'm starting to feel like I'm getting awkward with my surroundings, not feeling comfortable in the crowds, which I was okay before and even worse, I don't want to interact with other people. Well, it's all blame to me to choose to being unemployed, that's what you get. So, I guess that's pretty much sums up my thought of why I've been cut off from society though I still quite get confused sometimes.

Since it's been that long, the worst part is that my English language skills is getting deteriorated. I'm not joking here, yes, it does getting worse. Proof? Alright. So before I realise it, a friend of mine came back from the UK and we hung out for a couple of times. The first time I met him after a year being away from the homeland, I realised something strange when I talked with him; I was somehow awkward. Throughout our conversation, I noticed that my English language wasn't like before, I sounded more like, a person who tries his/her best to use English with his/her utmost level and trying to avoid direct translation from mother tongue. Gosh. Shame me on that, haha. But fortunately, somehow, I manage to fix it and everything seems normal again. *phew*
However, still........ I need someone to talk to. T^T


Well then, till next time!
sosorryfornotupdatingforalongtime

I should write more

Take a stroll down memory lane.

No. That's just for happy moments which I didn't have that much.

"Scrolling down my bullshit past posts" is much suitable for this entry XD.

Yup, I should write more. I feel like I've been left behind so far, farther than a remote control that I've been trying to reach that it's on the coffee table. My skills in writing sucks. It's dull and lame. Nobody likes it. No one reads it. It bothers me so much.
Day by day, I've been looking for its answer; to make my writing skills become better.
And finally, I did it. I have succeeded. Yes! I have found its solution!
The solution is very simple! Take a deep breath, you might get over excited to know, you can't wait I know! afkncslkDNFkneofgvbdufvbsef aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the solution is: write more.

Well done!


P/S: I'm a teacher.

Facebook is creepy

Yes. You read the title.

Recently, I've frequently received emails from Facebook, which I thought it would 'spam' for me because those emails were just saying someone has posted something, telling someone's birthday (I don't bother too much on this), someone's updating new status, etc. But, what creeps me out is that, Suggesting Friends, indeed.

Well, if I say suggesting friends thingy is a creepy or eerie thing, you might think it's just something on Facebook, which is normal. However...I can't. Not because I am anti-social or something, but this suggesting friends thing is totally CREEPY.

Why? Well, yes. Lemme admit it; I don't be friends with people in my real life on Facebook, especially friends/people from my university (I am a student now XD).

So, the story basically goes like this;

Ever since I'm on Facebook, I only be friends with whom I know very well, only that people that I know that I can be friends with and I am strictly get myself away from the strangers. I completely ignore strangers (even though we have mutual friends) who want to add me as their friends.

I will GET this 'Suggesting Friends' or 'People You May Know' or whatever it is widget on the side bar which people that I know but I'm not friends with them, that's fine because we have mutual friends. 

creepy shit site

Well, I've been using Facebook for like 7 years and I'm a university student now.

Additional info; this is my last semester and I'm on my practicum somewhere at school.

Ever since I've been in university, I've got no contacts that I know on my Facebook account except other account (I have two accounts). When I logged in Facebook account, I saw these university friends that whom I am not friends with until now on Facebook, suggesting me to add as friends! I was overwhelmed, trying to figure out how the heck does Facebook know that I have friends in real life which it does not make sense. Well, to be honest, I was once wrote my actual university name in the 'Work and Education' field but it lasted long only for a few months. And starting from that, Facebook keeps suggesting me the friends that share same university as mine.

But still, it creeps me out till now... I am so afraid if those people find out my another account (it's a personal thing why I didn't add them).

Nope.

However, what's even creepier than that is that, they started to send me emails, painstakingly entitled 'People You May Know' suggesting that if I knew these people which I've known very well because one of them is my school supervisor, and we are definitely not sharing any mutual friends, at all!

This site tells the same thing, check it out:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OkCupid/comments/3cy24i/facebook_suggested_friends_is_creepier_than_i/

So dear readers, if you have anything to say feel free to write it down below, or do I even have? XD

Whatevs.

Goodbye. Happy-2016-blogging~

My lost lame comics

Ello
I just wanna make it quick 'cause I'm currently having a stomachache which I'm not really good at the moment...uh
You might think, well, at least, why do I hafta write a blog anyway?
You know, I kind of have a short-memory for some reason, but not in all matters!
So, this gotta be a really quick/short talk, from me.

About 12-13 years ago, I made/drew a few of comics, and it was during my elementary school.
I was so excited about it that I successfully have made a very satisfying work! I had never done such a thing like that before. I had made or at least 2-4 of them...but sadly, it all gone.

We do have our sad stories, right?
I still remember when I first drew a SpongeBob comic, by my own ideas, yes, credit to Stephen Hillenburg.
I was so proud of it and showed it to some friends and classmates.
They all looked excited and enjoyed it as well...
But, a few days after that, I've lost it, no, it was someone else stole it.
I'm not quite sure if is it true that someone has stolen it or else, well that's what I said back then and now.
And, until now I never found the comic...

Another comic that I'd drawn, also when I was in elementary school, and I barely remember it that it was my last year being as an elementary student.
I made a comic about "Sea Monster", I think, that's how the title was.
And, actually I made 2 of them.
Same sad story, they both gone. I forgot of the disappearance part.
Sad thing...

BUT! I'm still drawing, or actually in progress to complete my current manga/comic(the illustration based on Japanese-style).
I started to draw it when I was 16 until now, I haven't drawn it, because, I'm..
lazy.



Now, my 2014's resolution is gonna be;
Continue to draw the current manga and draw a new comic or whatsoever its name is.
.........that's it. I know it's an awkward blog, but I hope you enjoy reading it, or at least me. Haha k bye.

-Asian