I have come to realised how far is the gap (I'm talking about years of non-existence of updates) for this blog. Still lame, same ol' me writing stuffs about how me generally doing on this tiny Earth.
Sure, I've developed more in terms of gaining information; about life in general, how to properly interact with people (still sucks and awkward, but I'll get there) and having my passion back in arts (:
Dear self, it's always generally here. Why don't I actually break into small pieces, like going into more specific? Well, talking about specific, I do want make it into a little moment for this blog to actually talk about my recent life *cough* not that recent, well can't blame me I haven't written anything since my last visit. Same ol' sh*t I would say whenever I go back to Twitter! I don't really think about love life seriously until some time later in my life...well it was quite recent but who cares...
Okay enough. Let's dive straight to the story...
Last year August, on the ongoing the pandemic outbreak, I was kinda lost. Made my way to the local convenience store to have some cheap dinner but, quite soothing. I don't exactly remember, but I kept thinking about this person. This person was always showing inside my head for some reason I couldn't even stop thinking about them. I thought the other night when I was scrolling Twitter, it was just some sort of distraction, away from my idk-why-I-have-this-stupid crush, at my workplace, and this individual was one of my managers. I know.
I kept scrolling, reading some tweet on people's experience about their struggles, love life, advice, etc. till this person's tweet popped up on my phone's screen. It was just a small circle of the profile picture, but from the distance of my eyes, I can see those luring beautiful face, cute too I said internally within my mind. Okay. Everyone, I mean literally anyone would do this, especially when something intrigues them; I stalked this person. Only on Twitter, obvi. Turned out, this person is actually, well, queer, like me. Ever since then, I've started to develop to like this little cute bean more...till now I am still.
Somehow, we managed to contact each other. I was the one who made the move, haha. We would text each other every day (not most of the time of the day, as they know I have 2 jobs simultaneously; I know, kill me). At first, it was quite bit slow for them to respond back to me but gradually, the sparks were there, stroke them just like the speed of lightning (okay, this is exaggerated) as we shared the same interest; astronomy! *Hah! I even told the previous crush, ehem, the manager, that I started to like this person. We would exchange information from topics of how big is the universe, how absurdly clusters of galaxies would shape like humans (this one, I can't XD) and it goes on, until some time later, things get quite bit off from the topic. This lovey-dovey took a picture of a dark room with the cat (nothing scary, it indicated that it was bed time), looking at the owner themself. I puzzled at first but that moment I knew there were something went on...I guess they like me back? I don't know but oh man, I was always excited. Every time I get their tweet (yup, exactly, we tweeted everyday and they would spam me with cute little pictures and memes). Those were the days...
Until fast forward, we slowly talked to each other... one tweet everyday...or 2 days of gap and even a month... I'm starting to feel sorry for them...
I admit that I kinda neglected them, due to the fact I have 2 jobs to cater on; which it isn't even the case honestly. It is the pandemic thing...we can't still see each other since they live quite far away. I really wanna see them but in the meantime, I am not ready myself, also, for them.
Fast forward again, they have someone whom they love now. Of course, I would have heart break from time to time, but I can't blame them. I actually let it happened. Because I know how hurt it is for love that is not reciprocated. I never confessed or shown anything to like them back; except platonically. Yup, I made it quite clear I made everything quite platonic, because things were so, so fast for me to grasp on what was going on. I'm not the type of who would accept things immediately. I need time. I need to know more about who and how. It's just my thing, but I do feel like it's selfish. Well, it is selfish.
As for now... things are pretty much the same as what is going on. What I just hope for for now and onwards is just, anything's best for me.
I am happy now. Happy that I could have my time back soon; I'll be quitting my part-time job this last month of June. I'll be starting drawing and painting again, basically fill out my me time (this is not totally selfish alright).
I guess that's pretty much for now. Pretty huge update eh? Haha.
See you dear future self, signing off...
